Posts Tagged ‘understanding’

All thing being relative…

November 16th, 2009

Discussing relatively recently with a local poet, a compromise of conversation was highlighted to me.  Having delivered some vibrant and thought provoking poetry he explained that he uses poetry to protray his thoughts and observations about life.  Out conversation swayed into the topic of relativity and how generalisations can never be taken as fact as all things are relative.  Happiness, success, good bad, all things are varying shades of grey.

I fervently agreed and we chatted about human nature, Richard Dawkins, life atheists (as opposed to religious ones) and Robert Anton Wilson’s desire to remove the word ‘is’ from the English Language.  It was an interesting and engaging conversation.  It was when he said, due to the extreme nature of his views, he now found it almost impossible to engage in one-to-one conversation because he could not accept generalisations.  That made me double check my own view point.

Without generalisations and probabilities, we would be unable to have reasoned, intelligent debate.  We would be unable to make decisions or maintain some control over our surroundings.  Without a ‘flexible’ understanding we would lose the ability to engage in many of our normal conversations.  Ok, we need to ensure that we understand a particular word or emotion the way the person delivering it intends. But we also need to use probability to gage what is likely to happen, in order to plan and engage.

So, I accept that to understand behaviour we must assign probability…all things being relative, of course!

Behind the mask

November 9th, 2009

Were you at a Halloween Party?  Was it a costume party? Did you wear a mask?

Personally I can’t stand masks.  I’ve always had a bit of a fear of someone in a mask.  Very disconcerting I think.   Not being able to see the facial expression.  Or work out what the person is thinking or feeling.  My friends thought me highly amusing as I cringed and switched the TV programme over when Bo Selecta came on.  I just didn’t find him funny.  And it wasn’t the humour, it was the mask.  I just couldn’t get past the fact that I couldnt see what his face was saying.

How did you feel in your mask for Halloween?  Did you feel like a different person?  Did you enjoy having a different persona for the evening?  How did you feel speaking to people who were wearing masks?

In actual fact, we all wear masks everyday.  Not plastic physical masks but the ‘social mask’ that hides our true feelings or thoughts.  We have the ‘professional mask’ we wear at work….not wanting to provide many clues as to how we are feeling in case our colleagues think less of us, or believe that we cannot be competent due to other factors.  We put up a pretense that all is good so that others will not get the ‘wrong’ idea.  In the Johari window our facade is a section of ourselves that we know but other’s don’t.  This is the section, which encourages us to engage in games-playing, trickery, and the like.  The larger this section, the less chance we have of developing truly meaningful and open relationships with others because such relationships are usually based heavily on trust.  Here, the hidden agenda resides.

Do other people’s masks work or do you instinctively know they are hiding something or telling ‘white lies’?

Obviously we need to provide a certain level of professionalism in our work life but if we continuously hide behind a mask then how are others to know anything real about us.  We know that understanding each others stresses and strains can make for a more beneficial relationship yet we are scared to reveal this side of us.  We cry ‘Noone understands!’.  We dislike the assumptions people make about us.  Does wearing our professionalism mask prevent others from correctly dealing with us?

Are there people in your life who you would really love to know better?  Do you ever wish that someone would drop the mask so that you knew what was really going on?  How would our behaviour change if we all dropped our masks?

Daydreaming or concentrating…

November 5th, 2009

Do you rememeber being told by the teacher in school to sit on your hand and to face the front?

Have you ever wanted to scream ‘Look at me when I’m talking to you!’ to someone who doesn’t appear to be paying attention?

A study by Doherty-Sneddon tells us that teacher interpret gaze aversion as an indication of less understanding, less interest and that the child is no longer thinking about the problem.  They say that this is completely incorrect!

When bombarded with so much visual information, looking away can actually help concentration.  Research shows that encouraging five-year-olds to look away can improve their performance on challenging yet solvable questions.

How do you behave when considering a problem or trying to understand a piece of information?  I know I tend to look up and away from the source when I’m pondering as I find anything in my line of vision distracting.  If someone stops making eye contact with you, what are your assumptions about their thoughts?

Next time you are conveying information, take note of where the recipients gaze is….and be aware of how you interpret it!