The Behaviour Effect

Ever been in an environment which has influenced your behaviour?  Gotten carried away with the crowd?  Elvis who would have celebrated his 75th birthday last Friday, 8th January certainly witnessed those that were influenced and mos certainly did get carried away!

In the 1950’s frenzied and fevered were words frequently used to describe the groups of people (mainly women) who went to watch Elvis sing…. and of course gyrate his hips.  Scenes of hysteria and complete abandon were common place.  When Elvis walked on stage, women screamed, fainted, cried, shrieked and wet their pants.  The result was often so hysterical that the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, the National Guard, State Police and the City Police couldn’t contain those involved.  On a number of occasions Elvis had to stop the show!

Think it was hysteria?

The emotional attachment to Elvis is so strong that 30 years after his death, the sale of iconic images related to the King increases each year.  At Elvis’ home in Graceland, millions of ‘pilgrims’ (mostly female and middle aged) go to Locus Sanctus, the holy place, to mourn his death, lay wreaths and hold vigils.  In fact the behaviour in relation to his memory is such that two woman have founded the "Church of the Risen Elvis".  One of the women saying that images of Elvis "…have transcended the representational and move to the sacred".  Before his death, women even brought their sick children to his concerts in the hope that he would touch them and be healed.

Why is this?  Seems a bit extreme?

From the very beginning , the phenomenon of Elvis broke through the boundaries of ordinary fan adoration and lead the way to the "Beatlemania" which would hit America later.  Elvis’ blood and urine was stolen and sold with tales of how young women desperately wanted to inject the blood of their hero in to their own veins, women moving country just to tend to his grave or carving his name into their skin with penknives.  These behaviour are not normal reactions to singers or even fame, they move quite clearly across to myth and rituals.

Elvis was at the forefront of many controversial debates regarding teenage behaviour and rock and roll.  He was regarded by some as the blame for juvenile delinquency and the corruption of youth.  Perhaps when the behaviour of his audiences were witnessed by those not within the Elvis fan group, it can be understood (though this understanding does not mean that they were right).  The frenzied behaviour became more and more common and increasingly violent.  Did you know that Elvis received death threats and rampaging crowds often turned into riots?

Some psychologists believe that Elvis provided a rite of passage for girls into womanhood.  The sexual frenzy that Elvis created (we all know how conservative America reacted to his hips movements) provided an outlet that wasn’t previously available especially to women.  The fantasized relationship with Elvis taught them about their sexual liberty.  Add to that the way people behave when in groups….mob rule…heightened excitement…attention grabbing…screaming…  and the pieces of Elvis hysteria becomes more clear.

The group or social hysteria related to Elvis is similar in many ways to the Salem witch trials.  The groups’ behaviour was extreme and as it became more so…it became a vicious circle.  In a Elvis concert with screaming fans, you’d describe the atmosphere as ‘electric’…you’d get caught up in it.  Even if you weren’t caught up in it you probably wouldn’t want ot admit that you didn’t agree.

More recently, the invasion of Iraq had elements of social hysteria.   The 9/11 event created a fear and elevated Saddam Hussein to a witch-like mythical figure who was about to ‘press the button’ on the West.   No one (or few) questioned whether this was realistic…and many didn’t question because it would not have been welcomed.  Imagine the reaction if you questioned how evil you thought Iraq was.   Look back now – was it a sort of social hysteria?

In truth hysteria is a result of human psychology, local events, religious beliefs, economic and social situation and the political situation.   Take a moment to think how popular Elvis would have been without the outcry from those with conservative religious beliefs…or if sexual liberation for women had already happened….

Laughing lowers levels of stress hormones and strengthens the immune system. Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day. Adults only laugh 15 to 100 times a day. The first laughter appears at about 3.5 to 4 months of age, long before we’re able to speak.  Laughter, like crying, is a way for an infant to interact with the caregivers.

Like smiling we don’t have to learn how to laugh, we just do. We’re born with the capacity to laugh.  But we cannot just decide to laugh, its very hard to laugh on command or to fake it.  A bit like a fake smile, a fake laugh can be detected quite easily by another person….and for anyone that has tried to stop laughing or hide an ‘inappropriate’ laugh in a meeting…you’ll know how difficult that can be!

Are you known for your laugh?  Whilst living in the Halls of Residence at University, I wondered why folk from the floor below always seemed to appear on our floor about 10 minutes after I arrived.  Mentioning their impeccable timing I asked how they knew when we all had arrived.  Their answer?  We know everyone is here because we can hear you laughing.  Mild embarrassment at how loudly I must have been laughing quickly moved aside at the marvellous thought that it was the sound of laughter that drew folk in….that encouraged others to join us.  And as aware as I am at how my voice travels…though now it’s in office buildings rather than Halls of Residence…I am rather pleased that it’s the sound of laughter that tells someone I am there.

When we do laugh, it’s powerful, bubbling up from within us…yet very little is understood about why we laugh or what makes us laugh.  What I find amusing may not be what you find amusing…and laughter can be triggered by sensations, thoughts, or even just certain situations will give us the giggles. When we laugh, we alter our facial expressions and make sounds, some of which we wish we didn’t (says the occasional snorter!!).   In full flow our whole body gets involved, shoulders shake, arms & legs move….our breathing changes.

So why?  Why do we laugh?

Well, you may be surprised to learn that it is less about funny and humour and more about relationships with other people.  When was the last time you laughed?  Was it at a joke or was it at a statement or observation that if you described it now, wouldn’t seem funny to someone else?  People laugh at an incredibly wide selection of interactions, observations and statements.  And many times we laugh at ‘in’ jokes….jokes that are understood as amusing because you are a member of a particular group

These curious “ha ha ha’s” are bits of social glue that bond relationships.  And curiously we rarely laugh when we are alone (even less than we talk to ourselves) which seem to indicate that laughter is a message we send to other people.

Laughter is social and contagious. Hearing someone else laugh often causes us to laugh ourselves.  Many comedy programmes utilise this knowledge by adding laughter tracks.  Not sure if you’re favourite comedy has a laughter track?  That’s because you are laughing along to it.  Quite often if the laughter track is missing we don’t find the programme half as funny.

We laugh at the sound of laughter itself.  When one person starts laughing….suddenly everyone ‘catches’ it.  That’s why the Tickle Me Elmo doll is such a success — it makes us laugh and smile.

When we laugh, we’re often communicating playful intent. So laughter has a bonding function within individuals in a group. It’s often positive, but it can be negative too. There’s a difference between “laughing with” and “laughing at.” And I am positive that all of us has experienced both examples.  People who laugh at others may be trying to force them to conform or casting them out of the group.

This blog started with a statement saying that adults laugh less than children.  As adults, do you think we have less to laugh at…too many responsibilities…too many worries…  Adults play less and laugh less.  Think that’s healthy?  Playing less means we lose some of our creativity, but it also means we lose out on opportunities to bond with others. What effect do you think that’s having on our lives?  I’ve even experienced people trying to stop me laughing because they think I am drawing attention to myself or more importantly to them…when they prefer to be seen and not heard.  How sad is it that laughter is reigned in….muffled…constrained?  Surely it is better to nourish laughter, especially when times are tough.

Next time you are trying to hide that giggle…send it out there….let someone else enjoy the joke…release those feel-good endorphins in your brain…relieve a little of that stress you feel….let go….lose control….you’ll be surprised at how fantastic it feels!

What type of person are you?  What type of humour do you have? What are the stories you tell others about yourself? Do you have a certain way of doing things?  These are the things that make up your personality, various elements which combined are greater than the sum of the parts.

Stories – Past events that you and others tell to provide information about yourself.  That time you got backstage at that rock concert…or when you forgot your keys and ended up with the police thinking you were a burglar…or how you defended your friend in a crowed bar..

Customs and rituals -The way you do things.  Insist on research before booking a holiday…or you must always put masara on before you leave the house…you alwayss have hot chocolate before bed…

Values – What values do you have?  What’s important to you?  How do you prioritise your life?  Always put family first?  What about the work vlaues you have?

Beliefs – What are your beliefs about the world?  Do you believe people are generally good?  DO you think that given half a chance people will take an opportunities to pull the wool over your eyes?

Behaviours – What does your behaviour look like?  Do people comment how you are a good listening?  What about how you behave when someone needs help?  Do you walk to a rhythm?

Symbols – Always carry an item with you that means something?  A photo in your wallet? Do you associate or love a particular item…a friend of mine used to adore elephants and would have lots of elephants everywhere.

All of the above combine to form your personality.  The culture of you so to speak.  You have acquired a body of knowledge about how to behave and this enables everyone else to interpret and understand how to act with you and what type of person you are.

Now think about these things in relation to your family.  What culture does your family have?  What stories are told?  What rituals do you complete?  What shared behaviours and do have?  Christmas is coming, what rituals do you always complete then?  You family is made up of many parts that form a unique whole.  A collective belief that in turn shape behaviour.  We are behave according to our families culture…or at least in their company we do.

In the work context…organisations have culture.  I’m sure you were told stories when you arrived…what happened at the last Christmas do…that time that manager totally lost it….the time you all got out earlier due to a leaking pipe…

You actions within organisations often conform to their culture….without even realising it….

Are you always right? When did you last make a mistake?  Did you apologise?

We are all human and as a result we are all prone to mistakes.  Being a Partner in a large corporate firm or a business owner or someone’s manager does not automatically remove the capability of being in the wrong or handling situations incorrectly. But do we ever admit it?  Are we conscious of not seeming to have made a bad choice?

Do those we work with appreciate more the person who owns up when they are wrong or the person who refuses to admit that there may have been a better and more effective way of doing something?  Naturally, we are hesitate to admit we have made a mistake, we do not want other to form an impression of our incompetence.

Yet, noone can be right all the time.  When we do not take responsibility for our actions then the relationship with have with others is damaged.  The trust leaves.  How different would it have been if President Nixon had quickly apologised for Watergate or if President Clinton had simply owned up and apologised?  When President Kennedy took full responsibilty for the Bay of Pigs disaster, the press didn’t have much to talk about.

Quite apart from the trust issue…apologising for those things we get wrong, deomonstates a certain amount of vulurbilty which can be appealing to those we work with.  They see that other’s make mistakes, recognise them, apologise and vitally, promise to remedy their actions in future.  And when they make a mistake it is much easier to admit to it.  How many problems are made worse by refusal to admit they exist?  If we  demonstrate that making mistakes is OK as long as we identify them and make adjustments accordingly, then those around us will learn that behaviour. And wonderfully, we manage the negative effect of whatever our actions created.

So how do we go about apologising?

Ken Blanchard provides a process in his One Minute Manager book and below are the aspects he describes.

1.  Surrender – Genuine and truthful admittance of having done something wrong and the need to make up for it.  This must include taking full responsibility and any harm that has been done.  Do not make excuses for your actions, an apology has no substance if you include excuses.

2.  Integrity – Recognition that you were wrong and awareness of how this is inconsistent with how you normally behave.  Important is reaffirming that you are better than the behaviour you had demonstrated.

3.  Focus on other person – Recognition of the particular damage or harm you have done the other person.  You need to know what you are apologising for.

4.  Commit to change – An apology means very little unless you commit to not repeating the behaviour.  Why are you apologising if you intend to do exactly the same thing again.  Behaviour change must be identified and agreed to.

In additional to this process I’ve identifed a few other things to consider.

When do you make your apology?  Sometimes the best time is immediate, in fact the sooner you apologise for you mistake the more likely it will be viewed as an error in judgement and not a character flaw.  However, there are occasions when it may be best to let the dust settle a little before apologising.

Be wary of saying “I’m sorry you feel that way”, it can appear as though you are blaming the other person.  Yes, there are occasions when it is the feelings of the other person you are sorry for but if you have made a mistake be sorry for what you did…the actual behaviour.

Don’t forget to express your appreciation for the person and provide explanation (not excuses!) if necessary for what has happened.  You could even ask them if they will give you another chance.  When someone provides us with a genuine apology it is very difficult to respond negatively.  If the apology is fake or filled with excuses..quite often the person will walk away with a poor impression of your behaviour…but having received a full and frank apology…most people will be willing to accept it.  And vitally this places the power firmly with the wronged person.

And finally, if the apology is not accepted, thank them for hearing you out and be patient.  Sometimes people may want to forgive you but just need a little more time to cool off and accept what has happened.  Even if the person has accepted your apology, they may need a little time before they can completely trust you again.  Remember, is you carry out your promise to amend your behaviour in future then you will have proven your sincerity.

Has apologising for your mistakes improved or hindered your relationships?  Or do you not know the answer to that question because you can’t remember the last time you apologised?  If you can remember and your apology was not well received…how did you apologies…did you try to make excuses?

“You have a need for other people to like and admire you, and yet you tend to be critical of yourself.  I sense that sometimes you are insecure especially with people you don’t know. While you have some personality weaknesses you are generally able to compensate for them.  You have considerable unused capacity that you have not turned to your advantage. You’re having problems with a friend or relative.  At times you have serious doubts whether you have made the right decision or done the right things. You have a box of old, unsorted photographs in your house.  Disciplined and self-controlled on the outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure on the inside.  You prefer a certain amount of change and cariety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations.  You also pride yourself as an independent thinker and do not accept others’ statements without satisfactory proof.  But you have  found it unwise to be frank in revealing yourself to others.  At times you are extroverted, affable and sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary and reserved.  Some of your aspirations tend to be rather unrealistic.”

Am I right?  Did you recognise yourself in the above description?

These statements may appear as if they were especially prepared for you alone but if you re-read the paragraph you may find that most of the statements are open-ended, providing some wriggle room for those who seek connections with their own personalities.  Most people fail to see that these type of statements could actually apply to almost anyone.  This is known as the Barnum Effect and it is a type of subjective validation.

As humans we are designed to look for interconnections, for links and meaning – and we find it.  We strive to find meaning or significance, where there may be none at all.  Do you watch ‘Deal or no Deal’?  Do you really think that number 22 is the ‘Deathbox’?  That because you brought a box to the table that means’ something to you, such as your birthdate, you are going to win big.  Yet, in reality you may be experiencing selective memory, only remembering the times when the number was successful and not those (probably numerous) times when it wasn’t.  The game is completely random.

We are very good at relating things to ourselves, in fact it is one of the differences that separate us from all other creatures.  By being programmed to find patterns, links and pictures from a collection of (perhaps) random items can lead us to behave in quite an irrational manner.  Our desire to find meaning, pattern and significance can be very powerful and as much as it is required for our survival….we need to watch for those times when we are creating meaning rather than observing it.

Have you ever behaved irrationally due to the significance you placed on something?  Do you always use the same numbers on the lottery because you believe those numbers to be lucky?  Do you carry a lucky charm?

How much of an impact do you believe someone watching you has on your behaviour?  Does it matter who is watching?

Research completed by Newcastle university demonstrated that people put almost 3 times the amount of money into an honesty box for hot drinks when the poster with prices featured eyes rather than flowers.

As humans, our brains are programmed to recognise faces and even though the eyes were only on a poster, it still had the effect of modifying behaviour.  Those purchasing drinks had the feeling they were being watched so they were more likely to place anhonest amount in the honesty box.

The perception on the public of being watched clearly had an impact on their behaviour.

How can this research be used?  Can we apply this knowledge in organisations or in the public arena?

Whilst reading a light-hearted book on philosophy by Peter Cave I came across this rather interesting example of actions, intentions and their consequences.

Three singers, June, Gill and Jon, are treking across the desert.  June and Gill dislike Jon but have not voiced their dislike to each other.  They each and separately decide to kill him.

June sneaks out of her tent at night and puts poison into Jon’s water bottle.  Gill, not realising what June has done, sneaks out of her tent and cracks the bottom of Jon’s water bottle so that the water leaks out.  They both pack up the following morning and leave before Jon awakens.

Jon wakes up in the morning to find his water bottle empty and dies of dehydration.

Can either June or Gill be held accountable for Jon’s murder?  Is it actions or consequences that matter?

Ever been distracted?  What was it that distracted you?  What was the consequence?

It is one of the easiest things in the world to become distracted.  To not pay full attention to what we are doing at any one point in time.  We have other things on our mind.  Something catches the corner of our eye.  We are preoccupied with our preconceived beliefs.  We are not paying full attention because we don’t value the act/action in our schema. This ‘noise’ can have an impact on our behaviour and ultimately our success.

Harry Houdini was a talented escape artist.  A performer who was very concerned with putting on a show for his audience.  It might surprise you to learn that not only was he a magician and escape artist…he was also the first person to fly an aeroplane in Australia, to create a new diving suit, to start a movie company…and he was the man that was so impressed by how az certain Joseph Keaton managed to fall downstairs that he called him ‘Buster’.

You would think that a man with these talents wouldn’t let his guard drop.  His concentration must be complete.  Yet when he suffered from stomach pains, he refused to go to the doctor.  Distracted by  not wanting to let his audience down, keen to continue with his performances.  Then, in his dressing room, a student punched him in the stomach. Houdini had long prfessed his abiltiy to withstand blows but he was not prepared for this one.  He didn’t have time to tense his muscles.  A week later, he collapsed on stage.  Six days later he died from peritonitis, caused by appendicitis and the stomach punch.

The ‘noise’ that distracted Houdini comprised of the desire not to disappoint his audience, his fear of losing his popularity, his keeness not to return to the poor situation of his childhood, his drive, his ambition…his male thoguht processes that told him to ignore the stomach pains, to not go to the doctor…and of course, not paying attention to the student who decided to test the magician’s claim.

What ‘noise’ distracts us from giving complete attention to our actions? How does the ‘noise’ that distracts us impact our behaviour and ultimately our success?

Most reading this post will know the difference between a ‘genuine’ smile and a ‘fake’ smile.  If it’s genuine then you see it in their eyes.   The famous Mona Lisa’s enigmatic smile is more obvious if you just look at the eyes, which is in part the reason it is seen as enigmatic.  But confidence plays an important role as well.

In ‘Behind the Mask’ I spoke of how we all put a mask on to hide our true feelings.  One of the most commonly used masks is the smile.  Unfortunately, a genuine smile is difficult to replicate at the best of times but even harder when we are lacking in some confidence.  Ever get nervous and anxious…and feel the muscles in your face tighten?  As we desperately try to keep the mask up we gradually lose control over our facial muscles and a ‘genuine’ smile becomes impossible.  And sometimes…the muscles start to twitch uncontrollably!  Sound familiar?

If we can’t demonstrate confidence and control our facial expression, then we make it much more difficult for others to pick up on signals and react appropriately.  We will appear closed off and defensive and others will not trust  us.  So what can we do to control this behaviour?

Firstly we need to relax.  Relax our minds and our facial muscles.  If you are nervous about a presentation or an entrance into a room, think of something else, something that makes you smile naturally. Even try some facial exercises to loosen up those muscles.  Most of all, have confidence in yourself, as this will naturally shine through.

And ladies…be cautious about smiling too much…it may affect your credibility and whether you are taken seriously….in research it was discovered that a woman who smiles alot will be perceived as warm and friendly but trying too hard.  A man smiling the same amount? Warm and friendly.

How does smiling affect your attitude?  Your behaviour?  How does smiling make a difference to the way people behave towards you?

Two men at a seminar.  One returns to his seat to find the other man sitting there. They insult each other. Throw coffee and water over each other. Then resort to pushing and punching.   Police called.  Men arrested.  Courtroom battle ensues.

This is a true story in the news today!

Witnesses claim that it was the original owner of the seat that was the aggressor in terms of the way he spoke to the other man.  Yet, noone has mentioned that the act of taking someone else’s seat is in itself an act of aggression.  Obviously there is no excuse for either verbal or physical abuse but how can such a seemingly simply act of taking a seat, when there are 100’s free, cause such uproar?  Surely, he should just have taken another seat if his was now occupied?  Why did he react with such anger? There may be other factors at play, perhaps the man who had his seat stolen was irritable for others reasons, perhaps his emotions were already pricked.  Yet it was the act of his seat being taken that made him explode.

As humans, we can be very protective of our territory.  Even when we ‘hot desk’ in the workplace, people tend to sit down at the same place every day.  Do you hot desk? Ever came into work and there was someone sitting in your usual spot?  How did you feel?

What does this mean for workplace dynamics?  How can we ensure people do not feel usurped?