The Behaviour Effect

Female 1 “Those shoes are gorgeous, they look great on you!”

Female 2 “Oh gosh, they are ancient, paid almost nothing for them in a sale…see how the heel needs touching up”

Does this interaction sound familiar?

When did we lose the ability to accept compliments?  Did we ever?  When receiving positive feedback we all too often assume that the person is ‘just being nice’, they are pitying us or they are trying to get into our ‘good books’.

According to psychologist Phillip Hodson, the British have never known how to take a compliment because it goes against our need to be modest, or at least appear to be modest.  How many of us wear raised on sarcasm, sibling teasing or ‘ribbing’ from school mates?  From an early age we are told not to boast about ourselves for fear of appearing arrogant.

Most reading this post will know the difference between a ‘genuine’ smile and a ‘fake’ smile.  If it’s genuine then you see it in their eyes.   The famous Mona Lisa’s enigmatic smile is more obvious if you just look at the eyes, which is in part the reason it is seen as enigmatic.  But confidence plays an important role as well.

In ‘Behind the Mask’ I spoke of how we all put a mask on to hide our true feelings.  One of the most commonly used masks is the smile.  Unfortunately, a genuine smile is difficult to replicate at the best of times but even harder when we are lacking in some confidence.  Ever get nervous and anxious…and feel the muscles in your face tighten?  As we desperately try to keep the mask up we gradually lose control over our facial muscles and a ‘genuine’ smile becomes impossible.  And sometimes…the muscles start to twitch uncontrollably!  Sound familiar?

If we can’t demonstrate confidence and control our facial expression, then we make it much more difficult for others to pick up on signals and react appropriately.  We will appear closed off and defensive and others will not trust  us.  So what can we do to control this behaviour?

Firstly we need to relax.  Relax our minds and our facial muscles.  If you are nervous about a presentation or an entrance into a room, think of something else, something that makes you smile naturally. Even try some facial exercises to loosen up those muscles.  Most of all, have confidence in yourself, as this will naturally shine through.

And ladies…be cautious about smiling too much…it may affect your credibility and whether you are taken seriously….in research it was discovered that a woman who smiles alot will be perceived as warm and friendly but trying too hard.  A man smiling the same amount? Warm and friendly.

How does smiling affect your attitude?  Your behaviour?  How does smiling make a difference to the way people behave towards you?