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Laughing – the new social wizz kid

December 7th, 2009

Laughing lowers levels of stress hormones and strengthens the immune system. Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day. Adults only laugh 15 to 100 times a day. The first laughter appears at about 3.5 to 4 months of age, long before we’re able to speak.  Laughter, like crying, is a way for an infant to interact with the caregivers.

Like smiling we don’t have to learn how to laugh, we just do. We’re born with the capacity to laugh.  But we cannot just decide to laugh, its very hard to laugh on command or to fake it.  A bit like a fake smile, a fake laugh can be detected quite easily by another person….and for anyone that has tried to stop laughing or hide an ‘inappropriate’ laugh in a meeting…you’ll know how difficult that can be!

Are you known for your laugh?  Whilst living in the Halls of Residence at University, I wondered why folk from the floor below always seemed to appear on our floor about 10 minutes after I arrived.  Mentioning their impeccable timing I asked how they knew when we all had arrived.  Their answer?  We know everyone is here because we can hear you laughing.  Mild embarrassment at how loudly I must have been laughing quickly moved aside at the marvellous thought that it was the sound of laughter that drew folk in….that encouraged others to join us.  And as aware as I am at how my voice travels…though now it’s in office buildings rather than Halls of Residence…I am rather pleased that it’s the sound of laughter that tells someone I am there.

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When we do laugh, it’s powerful, bubbling up from within us…yet very little is understood about why we laugh or what makes us laugh.  What I find amusing may not be what you find amusing…and laughter can be triggered by sensations, thoughts, or even just certain situations will give us the giggles. When we laugh, we alter our facial expressions and make sounds, some of which we wish we didn’t (says the occasional snorter!!).   In full flow our whole body gets involved, shoulders shake, arms & legs move….our breathing changes.

So why?  Why do we laugh?

Well, you may be surprised to learn that it is less about funny and humour and more about relationships with other people.  When was the last time you laughed?  Was it at a joke or was it at a statement or observation that if you described it now, wouldn’t seem funny to someone else?  People laugh at an incredibly wide selection of interactions, observations and statements.  And many times we laugh at ‘in’ jokes….jokes that are understood as amusing because you are a member of a particular group

These curious “ha ha ha’s” are bits of social glue that bond relationships.  And curiously we rarely laugh when we are alone (even less than we talk to ourselves) which seem to indicate that laughter is a message we send to other people.

Laughter is social and contagious. Hearing someone else laugh often causes us to laugh ourselves.  Many comedy programmes utilise this knowledge by adding laughter tracks.  Not sure if you’re favourite comedy has a laughter track?  That’s because you are laughing along to it.  Quite often if the laughter track is missing we don’t find the programme half as funny.

We laugh at the sound of laughter itself.  When one person starts laughing….suddenly everyone ‘catches’ it.  That’s why the Tickle Me Elmo doll is such a success — it makes us laugh and smile.

When we laugh, we’re often communicating playful intent. So laughter has a bonding function within individuals in a group. It’s often positive, but it can be negative too. There’s a difference between “laughing with” and “laughing at.” And I am positive that all of us has experienced both examples.  People who laugh at others may be trying to force them to conform or casting them out of the group.

This blog started with a statement saying that adults laugh less than children.  As adults, do you think we have less to laugh at…too many responsibilities…too many worries…  Adults play less and laugh less.  Think that’s healthy?  Playing less means we lose some of our creativity, but it also means we lose out on opportunities to bond with others. What effect do you think that’s having on our lives?  I’ve even experienced people trying to stop me laughing because they think I am drawing attention to myself or more importantly to them…when they prefer to be seen and not heard.  How sad is it that laughter is reigned in….muffled…constrained?  Surely it is better to nourish laughter, especially when times are tough.

Next time you are trying to hide that giggle…send it out there….let someone else enjoy the joke…release those feel-good endorphins in your brain…relieve a little of that stress you feel….let go….lose control….you’ll be surprised at how fantastic it feels!

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First up and Last to play

December 7th, 2009

Been watching the X factor? Have you noticed that X Factor contestants are more likely to get the boot if they sing near the start of the show.

Cambridge University academics compiled data from 150 editions of the X Factor and Pop Idol to prove the theory that a contestant’s fate does not boil down to whether they can sing.  This theory will more than likely not surprise any of you….but what did they find out?

In eight live X Factor shows this year, four singers were eliminated after being either the second or third act to perform, researchers said. When contestants sang later in the evening they were less likely to be eliminated.  He added that the first singer to perform in the X Factor is not at the greatest advantage, but less likely to be eliminated than those in second or third place.  Dr Lionel, who undertook the research with the University of London, said that none of the people who sang last on this year’s series of the X Factor had been eliminated.

What Dr Lionel is talking about is that fact that people tend to be biased when there is a sequence. You are influenced by the fact that you remember people depending on whether they were singing first or last.  And memory can have a huge effect on how we judge a performance.

So what can we take from this research?  Well, its the primacy and recency effect at work.  The psychologist Murdock completed research into these effects on memory, which he called the Serial Position Curve.  Or how well we remember items on a list is dependant on where they are placed on the list.

In the stage theory of memory, information goes through to our short term memory, if the information is not lost through decay or displacement then it goes into our long term memory.  The short term memory is widely regarded as havinga capacity of seven plus or minus two pieces of information.  The size of the pieces of information is not a factor, in fact, making these pieces of information larger (or ‘chunking’ as it is known in psychology) makes us able to remember much more information.  However, we are at this point talking about the positioning of information in a list. The theory behind the serial position curve is that people recall words better at the beginning or end of a wordlist. A better recall at the beginning is an example of the primacy effect whereas a better recall at the end is an example of the recency effect.

So what does this all mean to us I hear you cry??  Well, it can help us study and work better.  If we remember information better at the start and end of a list then we need to make the most of this knowledge.  When studying were you ever told to take regular breaks?  Did you do it?

Taking regular breaks is necessary so we are not overloaded with information but it also allows the primacy and recency effect to help our memory.  The more breaks, the more times the primacy and recency effect can help us remember.

Any other ways in which we can use these effects to our advantage?

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Behaviour maketh the person?

November 30th, 2009

What is your opinion of Daniel O-Donnell?  Like his music?  Find him an appealing songster?

Take a minute to come up with a few adjectives to describe him.

What came to mind?  I speculate that the adjectives were not entirely positive.  Perhaps you used words such as ‘boring’, ‘banal’…perhaps you said he’s only liked by the ‘blue rinse brigade’ and sings ‘old stuff’.  Yet, is this completely fair to him as a person?  To be judged on only a few elements of his persona?  Personally I’m not a fan of his music and find his photo shoots amusing for the simple fact that he has only the one pose but… he makes a special effort for his fans.  He insures that there are rows at the front of his concerts reserved for the disabled, he takes time out of his schedule to meet many of his fans….and has even (upon request) signed a birthday card for my aunt who has Downs Syndrome.  This is all above and beyond the call of duty.  I cannot deny that Daniel O’Donnell has many excellent qualities.

Why am I droning on about Daniel O’Donnell you might ask?  The reason, because he made me think about the way I judge others and question the values on which I rate him.  How many of us presume to know someone based on one small element of their personality?  If someone behaves in an inappropriate manner towards us or others do we jusdge the person on that behaviour?  How would you feel about someone making persumptions about you without understanding the context?

When we are providing feedback to others it is important to concentrate on the behaviour not the person.  It is possible to like the person but not the behaviour.  I’m sure you can think of many examples of this.

How interesting it is to look at people through fresh eyes.  To see someone in a different light.  Take a moment now and think of someone, your colleague, your boss…your partner.  Write down 3 adjectives to describe them.  Now think about their physical characteristics, their hobbies, their interests, their dreams, ambitions…the way they relate to others.  Write down 3 more adjectives.  Refreshing isn’t it?  I wonder how many of us stop seeing the attributes of another because we have already made up our minds about what we think of them as a person.

I might not appreciate Daniel O’Donnell music but I can’t wait to see my aunts face when she opens that card…it’ll make her year…and that it definitely worth appreciating!

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If that’s what YOU want.

November 25th, 2009

Watching the programme ‘House’ the other night I was struck by a the way Cameran delivered the line “If that’s what you want” to her husband and colleague Chase.  She placed the emphasis on the word ‘you’.  The meaning was clear.  She was making a point about who’s opinion she thought Chase was expressing.  She suspecting (rightly!) that Chase had been manipulated into the opinion by the irrepressible House.  Emphasising ‘you’…she stressed that Chase should be sure it was indeed his opinion and not someoneelses.

It got me thinking about the tone of voice we use and which word we place the emphasis on.  Repeat Cameran’s line to yourself, “If that’s what you want”. Say it five times, each time emphasising a different word.  How does that change the meaning of the sentence.?

When the word ‘if’ is stressed…you sound as though you are questioning the person’s opinion.  It sounds as there is doubt about the surety of the statement, that there is room to maneuver.  When ‘that’ is stressed, its the content that is being questioned…when ‘want’ is stressed, the line sounds confident and strong, with little additional meaning.

When was the last time you made a statement and it was taken the wrong way?  or misunderstood?  Can you remember how you delivered the statement?  Where you placed the emphasis?  It may be that the person on the receiving end read more into the sentence than you meant.  In the above example, placing emphasis on the wrong word might lead the other person to think that their opinions are in doubt.

Think of the type of thing you say in work – practice changing emphasis – what happens?  Here are some examples that can have a very different meaning depending on what word is stressed.  Practice saying them out loud…what happens to the meaning?

  • You did that well this time
  • Have you read the procedures for this process?
  • Is this the result you intended?
  • What do you think?
  • How’s it going today?
  • You seem to be doing a great job
  • Tell me what you think about this situation?
  • We are glad to have you on our team
  • Does this work meet the standard you have set for yourself?
  • What can I do to help you?
  • Feel free to come to me when you have a question or problem

An additional hint….be careful of raising the pitch and tone towards the end of a sentance.  As we raise our pitch towards the end of a question…using the technique to convey a statement can make you sound less confident, unsure of your position and ulitmately less trustworthy.

In Gone with the Wind, Rhett Butler’s famous line, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn” was stated with emphasis on the word ‘give’ because it was not deemed appropriate for him to emphasis ‘damn’.  Are there times when you changed emphasis because of how you would sound….how it would be understood??

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Crossed arms = closed mind?

November 19th, 2009

Speaking to a group of folk at a recent networking event, the subject of Body Language popped up.  The subject of non-verbal communciation quite often arises in situations where I’m explaining what I do for gainful employment…and helping others see the importance of understanding human behaviour.  How it arises? Normally, when I say I’m an Occupational Psychologist, someone will make a comment such as ‘so do you know what I’m thinking then?’.

Such comments are normally quite light-hearted (perhaps folk think I won’t have heard that particular ‘joke’ before!) and I have a range of ‘stock’ answers for certain situations….

e.g. being chatted up by unwanted attention?

answer: “Yes, and it’s not pretty”, “No because I am truly not interested” or “No, that would make me a psychic!”

In this particular situation the conversation veered towards ‘reading’ people’s body language.  Immediately upon hearing me say that you can pick up quite a lot of interesting and important extra information by paying attention to the non-verbals…a lady commented that she doesn’t completely think it’s true as she often stands with her arms crossed…and she knows that is seen as ‘closed’ behaviour….but she claimed that she was simply comfortable like that and it was often the stance she took.

Before I continue to explain what might be happening in the circumstance she described…I feel the need to state that the dismissal of any theory or research due to a lack of understanding of one small element…is probably not the most effective way forward…but I’m being minorly pedantic so I’ll stop and get back to body language!

I believed her when she said she was comfortable standing like that…I don’t doubt she was.  I do doubt she knew the exact reason she was standing like that.  As it’s her ‘normal’ stance then the movement is probably involuntary, or habitual.  My first comment to her and the others standing in our group was that ‘crossing your arms’ is an often cited example of body language but one of the most important points to note about reading body language is to never take any one action alone.  It is necessary to read body language as a whole and not place meaning on an individual action.  If someone is facing away from you…but their feet are pointing directly towards you…it is necessary to take these actions together…and pay attention to any other actions happening.

Usually,when someone crosses their arms, it means that they’re closed for arguments.  They have placed a barrier between themselves and the rest of the world as a means of protection from others.  Protection from words, remarks and glances not simply physical attack.

Another possibility for crossing arms may be that they”re feeling vulnerable or insecure. Crossing your arms is like giving yourself a hug, it’s a comforting gesture.

In both of these meanings, the purpose of crossing your arms is that you feel more in control and are protected in your surroundings.  If you have developed a habit of this particular gesture….it is possible that you don’t realise the reason and think that it is simply the way you normally stand.  In fact the one thing I would expect is  that the person crossing their arms do indeed feel much more comfortable, because their body language matches their emotional state.  In fact the whole point to crossing your arms is to feel more comfortable.  How other’s feel in their company however, or why they are performing the action…may vary.

Remember though, that body signals must always be validated by other body signals. So, if the legs are crossed as well, and the person looks away… then its probably safe to make the assumption that the person’s mind is firmly shut!

Oh and don’t forget the context.  It could just be the cold.  Crossing your arms is an action we undertake when we are cold.  Double check for pulled up shoulders…also an indicator of being cold…or take note of the temperature in the area…

What happens when your body language contradicts what you’re saying?  People may not be able to explain why they believe/disbelieve the words because often these ques are completely unconsious…but they WILL believe the body language!

How does this change your understanding of the behaviour of others?  Your reaction to others?  Their reaction to you?

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The uncontrollable twitch

November 11th, 2009

Most reading this post will know the difference between a ‘genuine’ smile and a ‘fake’ smile.  If it’s genuine then you see it in their eyes.   The famous Mona Lisa’s enigmatic smile is more obvious if you just look at the eyes, which is in part the reason it is seen as enigmatic.  But confidence plays an important role as well.

In ‘Behind the Mask’ I spoke of how we all put a mask on to hide our true feelings.  One of the most commonly used masks is the smile.  Unfortunately, a genuine smile is difficult to replicate at the best of times but even harder when we are lacking in some confidence.  Ever get nervous and anxious…and feel the muscles in your face tighten?  As we desperately try to keep the mask up we gradually lose control over our facial muscles and a ‘genuine’ smile becomes impossible.  And sometimes…the muscles start to twitch uncontrollably!  Sound familiar?

If we can’t demonstrate confidence and control our facial expression, then we make it much more difficult for others to pick up on signals and react appropriately.  We will appear closed off and defensive and others will not trust  us.  So what can we do to control this behaviour?

Firstly we need to relax.  Relax our minds and our facial muscles.  If you are nervous about a presentation or an entrance into a room, think of something else, something that makes you smile naturally. Even try some facial exercises to loosen up those muscles.  Most of all, have confidence in yourself, as this will naturally shine through.

And ladies…be cautious about smiling too much…it may affect your credibility and whether you are taken seriously….in research it was discovered that a woman who smiles alot will be perceived as warm and friendly but trying too hard.  A man smiling the same amount? Warm and friendly.

How does smiling affect your attitude?  Your behaviour?  How does smiling make a difference to the way people behave towards you?

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Daydreaming or concentrating…

November 5th, 2009

Do you rememeber being told by the teacher in school to sit on your hand and to face the front?

Have you ever wanted to scream ‘Look at me when I’m talking to you!’ to someone who doesn’t appear to be paying attention?

A study by Doherty-Sneddon tells us that teacher interpret gaze aversion as an indication of less understanding, less interest and that the child is no longer thinking about the problem.  They say that this is completely incorrect!

When bombarded with so much visual information, looking away can actually help concentration.  Research shows that encouraging five-year-olds to look away can improve their performance on challenging yet solvable questions.

How do you behave when considering a problem or trying to understand a piece of information?  I know I tend to look up and away from the source when I’m pondering as I find anything in my line of vision distracting.  If someone stops making eye contact with you, what are your assumptions about their thoughts?

Next time you are conveying information, take note of where the recipients gaze is….and be aware of how you interpret it!

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